My Flesh and Blood

My Flesh and blood

2003

Winner of both the Audience and Directing Awards at the 2003 Sundance Film Festival, this inspiring documentary tracks a year in the life of Susan Tom, a single parent from suburban Fairfield, Calif., who has adopted 11 children with special needs. Directed by Jonathan Karsh, the film obliterates stereotypes about people with disabilities, sharing joyful moments and everyday challenges without shying away from the family's heartbreaking losses.

This film is an emotional roller coaster! I, like a lot of people had strong feelings towards Susan Tom. Some people thought that she had taken on too many kids other people thought she was horrible for going out while her daughter babysits. Here's the thing I want to point out, I think someone who has spent so much time, energy, emotion, and basically there entire life into caring for the disabled, they should get the chance to go out from time to time. I think it would be nicer and easier if she was able to hire a babysitter... but the problem with that would be WHO can take on that many children with disabilities for a few hours??? Not that many people, and the ones that can would cost a fortune. I see why she has her daughter do it. I find it sad that her daughter is as frustrated as she is, but she has the right to be given the circumstances! I think the daughter needs time to deflate too. I loved in the beginning that Susan pointed out Acceptance. Here is what most people don't get about acceptance... Most people comprehend it, but they don't actually understand it.

Its the difference between knowing something and applying something.

Acceptance is not easy for anyone. We normally use that word when we are dealing with death and dying, conflict of politics, conflict of religion, but not so much when we talk about people. MOST people are actually VERY guilty of not accepting others! They do it even when they don't intend to!

Here is an example; A girl (fill in blank for name) decides she is going into physical therapy. While in college, she decides she really enjoys working with children especially disabled kids. Great! There is a need for PT's in that field! Part of the reason girl wants to go into the field is that she has this impression that people who are special needs are somehow under loved and under cared for. (sometimes that is true, but not usually the case in a lot of areas.) Girl graduates, gets PTA license and gets job. The first kid she is working with is special needs, doesn't speak, doesn't have communication skills, is in "moderate" MHDD (mentally handicap developmentally delayed) category because his comprehension level and problem solving skills are very high.

Girl thinks "gee, no one has ever loved this child enough to teach him anything. How sad! I am going to teach him everything he needs to know and social skills in 6months! He will be so successful!!!"

Girl works with child as much as she can, does everything by the book and in 6months has made zero progress. The child even is refusing to work with her. Girl feels like a complete failure. Girl has no idea why she is in this field or why kids shy away from her instead of her actually helping them.

Now, this is someone with good intentions. They started off with a misconception that somehow parents, rather biological or adoptive, some how are stupid and or don't "really" love their kids. She thinks she somehow... SHE can do a better job than them. Girl thinks that she can "fix problems" with child's social skills along with physical ailments. Girl Does NOT understand what the word "acceptance" means, or how to apply it. Accepting someone is accepting them AS THEY ARE, NOT AS THEY COULD BE. A mistake so many people make. If girl had accepted child then she would have realized that she could make more progress with him than not accepting him. You can only do so much. If you work with a special needs kid, if they get it, they get it, Great! If they don't they don't and that's Great too! That's acceptance. That's what acceptance actually is... simply accepting. Loving just to love with no expectations, no conditions, no contract, JUST LOVE for no other reason than you are who and what you are.  

Another example: I am 5foot 2inches tall. I weight 135 pounds. I am (right now) out of shape. I like Michael Jordan (yes, I am so old school, I know.). If I want to play basketball like Mike I think that I should. If I want to spend 9hours a day outdoors practicing, I can. I can do this for the next 10 years. That doesn't mean I am going to be able to play ball or dunk a ball like Michael Jordan!!! I simply do not have that ability. That does not mean I should not try, because if that is in my heart (or yours) then, YES, you (and I) should try. But if you (and me) just are not able to achieve that, it does not make you OR me any LESS of a PERSON!!! (and no, I do not want to play ball like Mike. Its just an analogy.)

This documentary is a great one! It is wonderfully done on so many levels! I totally recommend it!!!